Therapy for what's supposed to feel good, but doesn't.
You're brilliant at knowing what everyone else needs but go blank when someone asks what you want.
You agree, accommodate and always do your best to smooth things over. You can feel the no and the brace in your body while hearing yourself say yes.
Perhaps being close is what you want until you actually have it. Then you start to feel trapped, irritated or a bit numb. You say you want sex, but do the least to make it happen. You miss intimacy yet avoid it at all costs. Or you find yourself suddenly preoccupied with every single little thing that's wrong with the person beside you. You can't remember the last time you felt sexually fulfilled. Maybe you never have been..
Most of the people referred to me generally understand themselves pretty well. What they don't know - after three different therapists, a weekend retreat, 15 books and countless podcast episodes - is why they can't seem to change things.
I work with couples and individuals who want deep, intimate relationships without losing themselves.
If that's what you're looking for, you're in the right place.
Amaris Raiana PgDip, regCOSRT, MBACP
Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist, Educator and Writer
INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
Come home to yourself.
Somewhere along the way, you stopped recognising yourself. You second-guess what you know. Replay conversations you've already had. Shrink, so nobody else has to feel uncomfortable. Carry emotions that were never yours to carry.
Maybe this happens in relationships, or in the aftermath of one. It isn't unusual to keep finding yourself drawn to the same kinds of people, even when you know exactly where it's going. And it's not good.
We'll get curious about what keeps pulling you back into familiar territory - what happens in your relationships, what happens inside you, and what becomes difficult to say, feel or trust when you're close to someone.
We'll work out what keeps you stuck, and how to move again- so you can love without disappearing.
£90 / 50min
RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
Loving each other shouldn't mean you lose yourself.
Sometimes it isn't the relationship that's disappeared. It's the two people in it.
You have the same argument on repeat. One of you pushes forward, the other shuts down. You leave conversations feeling unheard- or you've stopped having them at all. Somewhere along the line, you lost sight of each other. Possibly yourself too.
We don't spend time arguing about whose pain is bigger. I'm not a judge nor adjudicator. Instead we focus on understanding what you've both built in order to stay in the relationship - the patterns, the protections, the needs neither of you says out loud because they either fall on deaf ears, or you're afraid of the fall out.
First, we slow right down until you can see exactly what's happening between you and why.
From there, we build something else: a relationship where honesty doesn't cost you, conflict doesn't threaten to totally dismantle what you have, and neither person has to keep sacrificing themselves to make it work.
Whether you're rebuilding after betrayal, stuck on intimacy, or just drifting apart- this is where you come back to each other. And to yourselves.
£120 / 50 mins
PSYCHOSEXUAL THERAPY
Pleasure, connection and
a sex life that works for you.
Sex is rarely just about sex.
I help people with erectile difficulties, porn use that's stopped feeling like a choice, and desire that's disappeared.
I work with sexual blocks, pain and difficult experiences that need to be processed- in one partner, or both. I guide couples who deeply love each other and still can't find their way back into the bedroom- or who aren't sure of what to do when they're in there. I help women discover their potential for pleasure, and those told their low libido is just something to accept.
These aren't separate problems from the rest of your life. What's happening in your relationship matters - but bodies matter too. Health, medication, hormones, pain, stress, life stage and previous experiences can all play a part. We don't assume everything sexual has a relational explanation.
For individuals - we might be figuring out what gets in the way of desire or pleasure, separating what you actually want from what you've learned you should want, or helping sex feel less governed by anxiety, shame or performance.
For couples- we look at the gap between you: the mismatch in desire, the intimacy that used to be easy and now feels awkward.
£90 individuals / £120 Couples 50 mins
*Note* Psychosexual therapy is talking therapy. There is no sexual contact with the therapist and you will never be required to undress or engage in sexual activity during a session.
Couples Intensive
A focused intervention for one relationship issue.
Not every relationship challenge requires ongoing therapy.
For some couples, meaningful progress is possible when one clearly defined issue is explored with depth, structure and intention.
3 Hour Intensive + prep work.
Available by application only.
£495
How I Work
I'm warm, conversational, curious and involved.
I am direct, and will challenge when it's useful - always with respect and care. I hold structure, but there's flexibility for us to explore whatever comes up each week.
I'll tell you what I'm noticing, suggest some connections you might not have made yet, and help us make sense of what's happening - in your thoughts, your relationships and your body.
We'll go deep, but we won't disappear into insight without coming up for air. Understanding matters, but we'll also pay attention to what happens when a pattern gets activated - what you feel, what you do next, what becomes difficult to say, and what might happen if you respond differently.
I'll bring in some psychoeducation - I want you to know what I know, and to be able to use it without me.
You should leave therapy knowing yourself better - and better equipped to handle your actual life.
HI, I'M AMARIS
I've always been fascinated by what makes us lose ourselves...and what helps us find our way back.
By the time I trained as a therapist, I'd already learned a lot about people, survival, and the courage it takes to change the course of a life.
Before the therapy room, I worked directly to help people exit trafficking, slavery and sexual exploitation - helping them get free, recover and rebuild. That early work taught me how deeply safety, power and consent live in the body - and it's exactly that understanding I bring into the room when we talk about intimacy and desire.
My own life has taken me through some difficult and unexpected chapters too - navigating my own sexuality, coming through toxic relationships, and building a marriage we've been intentional about, piece by piece, into something beautiful.
Then parenthood hit, and everything shifted out of alignment for a while. It feels like five minutes ago we were carefree, getting in at 6am after a fun night. Now I'm in the blur of raising a toddler in semi-rural Dorset, and 6am is delightfully chaotic in a new way.
And I suppose that's the thread running through everything I do, professionally and personally: we fall out of alignment - with ourselves, with our loved ones - and the work is always finding our way back. Not once, but again and again and again. That's just what being human involves.
My work since has crossed the NHS, private practice, and co-running a wellness centre, which has given me a perspective that holds both the clinical and the human. I understand the body as well as the mind, but I don't stop there - I make room for soul, energy, consciousness and the transpersonal; for the dimensions of being human that reach beyond individual psychology.
There's science in the way I work, and soul too - I don't think we have to choose between them. The clients who fit my work best are the ones who are intellectually, energetically and spiritually curious themselves.
I'm continuing to build on that breadth through MSc study and research now, with doctoral study firmly on the horizon.
I am a professionally trained psychotherapist and registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). I specialise in Psychosexual & Relationship Therapy and am registered with the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT).
Writing
Thoughtful essays on relationships, intimacy and returning to yourself.
I write occasional essays exploring the psychology behind the patterns we live, the relationships we create and the parts of ourselves we often leave behind.
If you'd like to be the first to receive new essays, reflections and podcast episodes, I'd love to welcome you.
Sent Via Substack.
FAQ
How long will we work together? There's no standard length. Some people come with something specific and we work relatively briefly. Others are doing deeper relational or psychosexual work and stay longer. We'll talk about what you want from therapy at the beginning and review how we're doing as we go. Therapy shouldn't continue simply because it has become a habit.
What if I don't know which type of therapy I need? You don't need to diagnose yourself before you email me. Individual, relationship and psychosexual work overlap all the time. Tell me what's actually happening and we'll work out where to start.
Can I start on my own and bring my partner in later? Sometimes, yes - but not automatically. Individual and couples therapy are different pieces of work, and bringing a partner into established individual therapy can change the therapeutic relationship considerably. If it starts to feel like your partner should be involved, we'll talk about why and decide what makes most clinical sense. Sometimes I'll work with you together; sometimes a separate couples therapist is the better option.
I've already done a lot of therapy. Are we going to go over everything again? Not unless we need to. I'll want enough of your history to understand you properly, but I'm not interested in making you retell your life for the sake of it. If you already know your patterns, great. We start from there.
Can I come for psychosexual therapy without my partner? Absolutely. You don't need a partner to work on sex, sexuality, desire or intimacy - and being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean your partner needs to be in the room. We'll decide what makes sense for what you're bringing.
What if there could be a physical reason for what's happening sexually? Then we don't psychologise it. Bodies matter. Medication, hormones, pain, illness, life stage and other physical factors can affect desire, arousal, erections, orgasm and sex itself. Sometimes therapy is the right place to work. Sometimes medical or other specialist input is needed alongside it. Part of good psychosexual therapy is knowing the difference.
Do you work with LGBTQ+ clients? Absolutely. I work with LGBTQ+ clients and am comfortable working across differences in sexuality, gender, culture, race and religion - including mixed-culture, mixed-race and interfaith relationships. I have lived experience in these areas. I won't assume to understand your experience because I or someone I've worked with shares one part of your identity. Your particular context matters.
Do you work with consensual non-monogamy? CNM-specific relationship work isn't a specialist area of my practice right now. If your relationship structure is incidental to what brings you, that doesn't necessarily make us a poor fit. If CNM itself is central to the work, I'll usually recommend someone with specialist competence in this area.
Do you work internationally? Yes, in some circumstances. My professional insurance covers work with clients in the UK, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and the United States. Because the rules around therapy can vary depending on where you're based, I'll check that I'm able to work with you before we begin. If you're outside the UK, just let me know where you're located when you get in touch.
Do you offer concessions? Yes. I keep a small number of reduced-fee spaces, usually at off-peak times. These are agreed for 12 weeks at a time and reviewed together after that. Availability is limited, but you're welcome to ask.
What if I need to cancel or move a session? I have a 72-hour cancellation policy. Sessions cancelled within that period are charged at the full fee. If you need to move your appointment, I'll try to offer an alternative where I have availability. The replacement session needs to take place within the period covered by your invoice - usually within the same month, or before your next appointment if we meet weekly.
What happens if you realise you're not the right therapist for me? I'll tell you. Sometimes another therapeutic approach, a medical professional or someone with a particular specialism will be better placed to help. I don't need to be the right therapist for everybody. Part of doing this work well is knowing when I'm the right therapist for you - and when I'm not.